Time passes

I'm so down... things are hectic, and they are tragic... the good ones dropping like flies, the righteous just loitering...

I'm not whole... I have holes I can't begin to understand, some filled in with stuffing, artificial hope, superficial desire...

What will it take to fill it? No pill I've ever tried... or coke or pot... the only thing that ever came close? Mushrooms....

But even that, it doesn't fill my desire, it fuels it. Last time I did mushrooms I wanted a train, so much cock... I had a hunger, a thirst.

I've thought of him constantly now, but I remain focused on other matters... new projects.

and i don't cry... not even for the dead.

but i'm so unbelievably sad.