Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Returning to our #catfish story

That email had me. I was a spider caught in my own web, enjoying the warm and safe feeling of being tangled up... bargaining: just another day then I will stop... rationalizing: its just a step away from reality, he understands this... and for only the second time in my life, feeling and exploring my sexuality.

At the time, my husband's involvement in his own project and his intern was taking a toll on me and I didn't realize it... the exotic beauty was busy manipulating my husband, and I think a part of me accepted the trade. It did after all keep him occupied, and that allowed me time to enjoy my game.

It was around this time I got the phone... time is accelerated on the internet, and I could only put my greek god off for so long before I had to give him a number. And once I got the phone, we began trading phone calls, steamy voicemail teases and sexting whenever possible, there was no turning back. I was in too deep, I was completely addicted and he was my drug, and I often told him this. We talked... we discussed real life issues and interests from time to time, which of course sunk us deeper...

During this time, he pressed non-stop for video, more pictures, talked about a face to face meeting... I explained my cell didn't have a camera (back in 2006 that wasn't that unusual), but the video was harder. I didn't have a webcam, that I could explain in the short term, but then was the pressing for sending him a video through the mail. I was also spending countless hours finding pictures of this person I was using as my online self... the woman I had selected had a number of pics of herself, but I exhausted them all... and my friend wanted revealing images, so I spent my time searching through her friends myspace pages, cropping pictures, and searching through flickr for anything that would pass.

I needed time, and a google search of his name provided me the perfect way to buy it... because what turned up was his ad for his house he was selling, with a personalized description written in his own words... starter home for himself and the wife...



No comments: