2:50 am and tormented

Lonely night... hubby here but still feel alone and as if i'm choking. Told husband that things have to change, i can't do this anymore, how tired i am. Had some chronic and settled in for an evening of watching movies... distraction from the holiday blues... but i still got restless and logged into my messenger, and there was an offline message waiting for me. From the ad man... have watched Catfish now 5 times to keep from contacting him, kill the urge... but its 3 am and its so hard, i have emotions and thoughts that need to be expressed, he wants to hear them, he is begging me... he baits me, knowing the words to spin, to turn the game around again and again... please let me find the strength.