another nite of hell

another 24+ hour day, another grisly headache. Doubleshift, come home with the twinges of a headache... after an hour of sleep, I'm up again. Full blown head baby kicking. 1400 mg of Ibuprofen, 900 mg of aspirin... valium... caffeine... sugar... real food... stretching, deep breathing... 3 hot showers, now an icepack...

Woke up this morning with the same soul crushing headache i went to bed with... its been over two days solid, and longer than that with it receding for a few hours just to resurface. i'm sure there is great truth to the argument that i would be a completely different kind of person without the pain. right now, all i'm thinking about it stretching and contorting my body until my back hurts just to relieve my head. sometimes i understand why kurt cobain shot himself, if his headaches were like this.

go to bed early? headache. go to bed late? headache. drink lots of coke and caffeine laden drinks? headache. juices and water... you guessed it. soft bed, hard bed, sleep on the couch, mask, no mask, noise or silence, nothing makes a difference. i'm sure of one thing, and that's stress. and the stress makes my grind my teeth, which make my already painful throbbing an ubearable nightmare.

occasionally i'll find the right combination of pills, but its never the same. could be 3 ibuprofen and 2 aspirin, sometimes advil cold and sinus... sometimes 2 allieve will wash away the pain for a while, sometimes even rx painkiller cocktails don't make a dent. ice will sometimes help if i put it directly on my skin and numb it really well.

today is the first day of my cycle... woke up with a headache and didn't realize that fact... took a few bong hits to try and relieve the pressure, and laid back down in the bed. shortly after getting high, paranoia attacked. i was down on myself, miserable, felt like i was going crazy... went to take a shower and that's when i knew. note to self, never smoke the first day of your period.