Drudgery

another day, just like the last... i get up, go to work, maybe take a lunch but if i do its idle time... so usually i work through it... come home, eat dinner with my loving husband and continue to work until i drop... sometimes 3 am.... then i start again, 7 am. 3 times this week alone i've gone out for "4thmeal"... not eating breakfast, then eating my last meal at 2:00 am... barely napping, then out of bed early morning and back to work. i haven't smoked a bowl since last weekend, because when i do, i slow down and think... and i think of him... i can't do that, i have to stay busy or i'll die, i'll sleep until i won't wake any longer... why don't i hate him?